Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dick very happy bro
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
