I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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