The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
