I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
