Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
