i will never coherently bang her
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
