I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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