Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
