Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
