On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
