someone threw a dead crab at me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
