"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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