i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
