dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
