Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
