I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
