today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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