i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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