You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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