Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
