He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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