I cannot find my penis.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
