I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
