So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
