My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
