You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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