My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
