His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
