just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
