And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
