Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
