i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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