Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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