Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
