I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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