No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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