When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
