Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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