My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
