thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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