She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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