I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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