The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
