I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
