I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
