I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
