We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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