That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
