The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
