Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
