My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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