Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just forgot I was standing up.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
