i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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