Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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