guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
cat food counts as protein by the way
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
