I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
