Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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