What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
