i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
