I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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