Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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