I smell stomach acid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
