Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
