I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
