im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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