I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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