so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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