I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
