Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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