shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
