he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
