Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
