Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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